Today the local P. A., Sheriff Con Nero- what a name for a cop, right? Itís short for Constantine, but still! Ė Con Nero visited me at the dorm. He asked me to stick around after I get my degree- says he can get me a job on the local paper. Really? Iím majoring in ADVERTISING, for heavenís sake. I know how little reporters get paid- not interested!- but he says we need someone in the media to help keep Our things quiet.
I didnít commit one way or the other- you donít say no to the PA- but I gotta say I donít care for the offer. Our people here arenít just old-fashioned, theyíre reactionary. The first H. I attend they actually have a trial by combat! Nero actually fought this blond kid, couple years younger than me, for the right to P.A.! Maybe we did that back in the days before Archie Hunt, but this is the 1980s! We put man on the moon, we can bring democracy to Our people!
I know itís better that we guys leave home and move someplace else- widen the breeding pool, as mom says- but I donít think this is a good place for me. Iím actually liking my classmates better than Our people here. The only person I met at H. who wasnít cheering for someone in the fight or pushing some other petty power play on me just wanted to jump my bones. I mean, yes, sheís not bad, but sheís more than twice my age. And her husband and eldest son were not twenty feet away when she propositioned me! REALLY! I know Iím the liberal in the family, but even you ought to be appalled by this.
About the only one of Our people Iím comfortable with here is this girl named Carla. I didnít see her at H., but Iíve seen her around the college a lot. Sheís studying up for a pharmacy degree- going to take over the family business when she gets out of school. Sheís a joker- I donít think she was serious more than five minutes total all the times Iíve met her combined- but I definitely like her better than anybody else Iíve met here.
Well, except for the last time I saw her. Day before yesterday she met me on the sidewalk between classes. She pulled a bottle of some really awful perfume out of her purse and sprayed me with it- I mean HOSED ME DOWN with the stuff. She said she was ďmarking her territory,Ē and if I didnít like it sheíd do it more traditionally in private. I donít know if that was a come-on or what, but I do know I stank like the womenís Bible study at a Methodist church all day.
And my point is, sheís the smartest and sanest of Our people here.
I do not envy Sheriff Nero his job. You could not pay me enough to be PA here. Youíd have to be a complete IDIOT to want the job!